


You Matter To Me

by Robot Zombie Pineapples (CyborgWithGreatHair)



Category: Stephanie Plum - Janet Evanovich
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-14
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-18 20:21:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28749141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CyborgWithGreatHair/pseuds/Robot%20Zombie%20Pineapples
Summary: In the wake of the latest attack on Stephanie's life, Ranger is more determined than ever to protect her from the dark shadows plaguing his past, but can he hold on to that resolve as Steph reveals some information she's been keeping locked inside. Inspired by "You Matter to Me" from the musical Waitress.
Relationships: Ricardo Carlos Manoso/Stephanie Plum
Comments: 2
Kudos: 8





	You Matter To Me

** You Matter to Me **

I knew the second he arrived. The volatile tension that had surround him at the warehouse earlier rippled out from the front door, filling the apartment, washing over me, and sending shivers down my spine. Something about this latest crisis to befall my life had changed him, I could feel it in my chest when I looked at him. He’d barely been able to look me in the eye while the EMTs had checked me over, had kept his hands shoved in the pockets of his cargos as he stood beside me while I gave the police my statement, and most telling of all, he’d left the scene early, instructing Tank to ensure I made it home safe and sound.

The big man had been entirely too tight lipped about Ranger’s state when I’d questioned him as we waited for Eddie to come back and let us know I could go home, but I happened to catch Hal and Cal murmuring to each other as I slid into the black SUV they’d been stationed beside about how they’d never seen Ranger so distraught. I tried to get Tank to tell me about the rescue operation on the way home in the hopes that he’d reveal more information about what had Ranger so riled up, but he stubbornly gave me _just the facts, ma’am,_ leaving me frustrated and concerned that Ranger was off somewhere putting his life at risk as he dealt with the let down from the last twenty-four hours of constant adrenaline.

After sweeping my apartment to ensure it was clear of all threats, Tank had informed me that he’d be in the parking lot as an extra measure of safety as we all came down from the stress of the event. He’d said he’d be there until shift change brought a new patrol to relieve him, but we both knew it was more likely that he’d stay there until Ranger showed up to check on me, as was his custom when I’d been in danger.

I’d waited up for him, expectant, but as the hours ticked by and my lids grew heavy with sleep, my anxiety grew. I was trapped in an impossible state of being too tired to function, but too worked up to sleep. Where was Ranger? And what had happened to make him so… rigid? Eventually, I’d taken myself to bed, turning off all the lights I’d kept on to welcome Ranger’s eventual arrival, in the hopes that perhaps the darkness would help lull me into dream land. No such luck. Instead, the silence of the apartment as I laid there, awake, and sprawled in my thinking position, allowed me to hear something that set my nerves even further on edge.

A shaky, barely audible sigh carried down the short hall on the waves of tension Ranger was sending off.

Knowing that he would never allow such a sign of weakness to escape him if he knew I could hear, I found myself sitting bolt upright in bed, fingers curled tightly in the sheets as I contemplated what on earth that sound could mean. One unstable sigh from the man and I was scared shitless for what he could possibly be going through. Hobkins was dead. His army of henchmen disabled. By all accounts, the threat to my life was gone. Usually, this was when Ranger checked that I was handling the post-crisis stress okay, made a few remarks that stopped just shy of ruining my panties and retreated to the Bat Cave to continue to watch from afar. It was a maddening routine, given how much I just wanted him to _stay_ , but I’d learned to take what I could get where Ranger was concerned.

“I didn’t mean to wake you,” he said quietly, appearing in the doorway while my mind was lost to the panic his sigh had induced. He was still dressed in the same black fatigues he’d had on earlier. I could tell, because there was a darker patch on his chest from where my arm had been pressed against it as he carried me bridal style out of the building, heedless of the massive gash bleeding all over him.

I dragged my gaze from the stain to his face and almost sobbed when I could sight of his blank expression firmly in place and sturdily constructed to keep me out. “You didn’t,” I replied, the words more breath than voice.

He just stood there, staring for what felt like an eternity, a hollow sadness replacing the dangerous friction that had been permeating the air just moments ago. My heart clenched, unsure if the sadness was coming from me or from him, but unable to say anything to lessen the emotions welling up inside either of us. “Sorry,” he finally murmured, crossing to the chair – his chair – in the corner of the room and lowering himself slowly into it.

As much he hadn’t been able to look at me at the warehouse while we sorted through the last few puzzle pieces to put everything together and report the big picture to the police so they could take the appropriate actions, his eyes were glued to me now. Searching. Longing. Plaintive. The deep, chocolate brown of his eyes darkening to black, but not in the usual molten sexual way I was used to seeing.

Trying to ignore the goosebumps prickling my flesh under his intense gaze, I crawled across the covers, I settled myself on my knees on the corner of the bed closest to where he sat. “You can’t leave,” I told him. I had no idea where the words had come from, but I knew the instant they left my lips that they were exactly what I’d needed to say, because that’s exactly what Range was planning on doing. This latest debacle had made up his mind that his life was too dangerous to coexist in such close proximity to mine. He’d decided it was time to go, to separate his past from my present, to leave me behind, and I simply couldn’t allow it. Not when I’d finally come to the realisation that _he_ was what I wanted in life.

The surprise managed to wash away his lack of expression ever so briefly before he slammed it back in place, shutting me out once more. “Tank told you?” he questioned instead of confirming or denying my suspicions.

I shook my head which allowed my loose curls to fan out and gently slap my face on the return sweep as I slid off the bed and between his spread knees. “I can see it in your eyes,” I said. He raised a challenging eyebrow, probably in doubt of my ability to see anything in his eyes while he had his mask of nothingness on, but I just shook my head again. “I could find the whole meaning of life in those sad eyes,” I explained, leaning up to touch my hand to his cheek when he tried to look away. “They’ve seen things you never quite say, but I hear.”

He covered my hand on his face with his own, leaning into it as his eyes slid closed, shutting me out as another shaky sigh escaped his lips. Determined to leave as he was, he didn’t want to. He was fighting himself, and now that I’d revealed how much I could read in his expression he was determined to keep the fight from my view. I’d already seen the weakness, though.

“I wish you wouldn’t try to hide from me, Carlos,” I implored, slipping my free hand into his and squeezing tightly. The muscles around his eyes tightened, frown lines forming on his brow. “I’m right here beside you,” I added, my voice growing stronger with every word that passed my lips. “And I’m going to stay there as long as you’ll let me, but I did hope it would be longer than those few moments you allow yourself in the dead of the night.”

I paused, swallowing back the lump forming in my throat. I should have told him all this a long time ago, but I was afraid of losing him. He’d made no secret of the fact that he was attracted to me. It was evidenced in the way he looked at me, the way his hands swept over my body whenever I was near, the tenderness of his touch, the pitch of his voice. The feeling was mutual. But he’d also made a point of reminding me time and time again that his life didn’t lend itself to a relationship. He couldn’t give me a white picket fence. He couldn’t even guarantee he’d be alive in six months’ time if he was called up for a mission. And that was apparently no way for me too live my life. But I couldn’t go on denying my feelings just because he thought his life wasn’t worthy of sharing with me.

“Because you matter to me,” I went on, finally screwing my courage to the sticking place and saying the words that have been on the tip of my tongue for weeks. “Plain and simple. I know you don’t think you deserve it, but I do. I promise you’re worth it, Carlos. Because I love you, and I promise you matter more than my words can possibly come close to expressing.”

In the dimly lit silence that followed my statement, I watched as his eyes slowly open to meet my gaze once more, a single tear beading on the lower lashes of his left eye. I swept my thumb up to catch it before it could fall and held my breath as he used his steady grip on my other hand to bring it to his lips, pressing a kiss to my knuckles. “I can’t, Babe,” he whispered. “It’s too dangerous. If the last few days have taught me anything, its that the longer I’m here the longer you’re at risk from every dark shadow in my past. I couldn’t live with myself if something was to happen to you because of me.” He pulled me up into his lap, positioning me one thigh with my legs hanging over the arm of the chair. It didn’t escape my notice that he made sure my injured arm wasn’t caught between us as he wrapped his arms tightly around my waist. “When we finally broke through that door tonight and I saw you slumped in that chair, battered and bleeding, I thought the worst. I thought I’d finally gone and gotten you killed. I thought-“

“But I wasn’t,” I assured him, grabbing his hand and pressing it to the middle of my chest. “I’m still alive. Still kicking. My heart’s still beating, and that’s thanks to you. You figured out the clues, found where he’d taken me, fought your way in and dragged me out of that hell hole. You saved me.”

“That just the thing,” he said, his voice a little harsher. “If it hadn’t been for me you wouldn’t have needed saving!”

“I don’t see it that way.”

He shook his head, leaning it back against the wall behind him. “It doesn’t matter how you see it, Babe, it’s how it is. Plain and simple.”

The way he threw my words back at me stung, but I knew he didn’t mean it. I knew he was only saying these things to justify his need to put distance between us, to ‘protect’ me. But I doubted he’d thought the situation through as fully as I had. If he left now, it wouldn’t make a lick of difference to his enemies. He’d shown the world time and time again the lengths he would go to in order to keep me safe and it didn’t take a genius to figure out why. I said as much to him now, only just squashing my urge to cross my arms defiantly over my chest. I wanted – No, I _needed_ for him to understand the situation we found ourselves in right now, because his determination disappear from my life was heartbreaking.

“ _I love you_ ,” I repeated, pouring every bit of emotion I could into those three words. They’d always seemed so big as long as I kept them locked away inside, filling me up, trying to squeeze out of any cracks in my resolve they could find, too large to fit within the cage I’d build around them. Now that they were out in the open air, though, the seemed wholly inadequate. They didn’t do my feelings for Ranger justice at all. They couldn’t hold a candle to the well of affection, attraction and desire I had inadvertently encouraged to grow with every passing day over the last three years. I couldn’t picture my life without Ranger in it, at least not a life where I was happy. I wanted to share every moment of the rest of my life with him.

Ranger’s voice was tight when he finally replied after a long period of silently staring at the ceiling. “That’s just the after-effects of the adrenaline,” he told me firmly. “You’ll feel differently in the morning.”

That did it. I couldn’t take it anymore. I’d denied myself long enough, telling myself that as long as I could still have him in my life, that was all that mattered. I didn’t want to scare him off by telling him the true depth of my love for him, but now it looked like I was going to lose him either way, so what did it matter?

Using a hand on his stubbled jaw, I dragged his head down so that he was looking at me again. “I sincerely doubt that,” I stated firmly. “Because it hasn’t changed in almost three years.”

The creases marring his forehead deepened, and I felt his head jerk, trying to pull away but thinking better of it as I tightened my grip. “Steph?”

My heart zinged at the use of my name. Maybe I was finally getting through to him. “You’re the first person to believe in me in a long time, Carlos,” I explained. “That does things to a girl. I tried to deny it, to take your lines about not being relationship material to heart, to believe that you knew what was best for me. But the more time I spent with you, the more you inched back the curtains you’d drawn tight around you, the more the feelings grew and intensified. I can’t deny them anymore, Carlos. They’re too big. I’ve tried, but it’s eating me up inside.”

The hand on my heart slid up to caress my cheek, mimicking the gesture I’d used to get him to listen to me earlier. “You have no idea how often I’ve tried to deprive myself of you,” he replied solemnly. “I knew right from that first meeting that I’d do anything for you, and the second I realised that, I also realised that you could quite easily become my weakness; a way for my enemies to get to me. Every time you got into trouble because of me, I told myself to go and not look back. I almost convinced myself on a number of occasions, but I couldn’t do it. Even now, I’m at war with myself, anxious to flee, but desperate stay. You bring something out in me that I just can’t explain.”

I was pleased to see a hint of a smile crinkling the corners of his eyes now as he held my gaze. “I bet I could,” I whispered.

The smile leaked from his eyes to his lips at that. “I bet you could too, Babe,” he agreed. “I’ve never been all that good with words, but you make it easier. I’ve grown addicted to saying things and having them matter to you.”

Staying quiet was the most difficult thing I’d ever done, but I’d learned from the man folded around me that sometimes silence was what was needed to get what you wanted. The more he spoke, the more I could feel his determination melting. If I could just hold out a little longer, I felt sure it would wash away completely taking the tension from my chest with it. I needed him to stay, but I didn’t want him to feel trapped because I begged him. My confession had cracked away the shield he’d been hiding behind, now I just had to hope that his own sentiments could get him the rest of the way over the line.

“God, Babe,” he said, pulling me tighter against him. “The longer I sit here, the harder it is for me to leave. You mean so much to me.”

“So, consider staying,” I suggested quietly, peering up at him through my lashes.

He didn’t move, which I hoped was a good sign. Surely if he’d suddenly solidified the decision in his mind, he would have released me from the warm safety of his arms. I lowered my face to his chest, just breathing in his scent and praying that it wasn’t the last time I’d have the opportunity. His chin came down to rest on my head as his hands moved to my back, tracing long lines up and down my spine.

A small eternity passed between us as the tension leeched from both our bodies. His breathing slowed and eventually his hands stilled, on settling on the small of my back, the other on my shoulder while both my arms were wrapped around his waist. I dared to let myself smile, thinking he’d lulled himself to sleep, but just as I was closing my eyes to join him his voice rumbled through his chest, breaking the hush that had fallen over the apartment. “I am,” he murmured against my hair.

I tried to keep my body relaxed against his, but confusion was swirling through my tired brain. “You’re what?” I managed to ask around the lump that had returned to my throat. _Please, please, please._

“Staying, Babe,” he assured me. “I’m staying. Right here.”

I frowned, even as my heart leapt. “In this chair?”

His soft laughter vibrated against my cheek. “If that’s where you want me,” he said. “I’ve loved you from the minute I met you. I’m sick of hurting you to try to protect you. You matter too much for that. So, if you’re serious about staying by my side, I’ll put up a reservation sign to keep the rest of the world at bay.”

“Perfect,” I sighed.


End file.
